Uhmmm so

so I was going to put something half way decent down. But I'm tired. Plus I just feel like garbage today. Amazing. Such is life. I'm over it. haaaa....

Wanderer

I was born and live and will die a wanderer.
Through space and time I will find no foothold.
My insides will always feel unsettled,
and this hand I've been dealt of discontent will never fold.
It doesn't matter who I find or where I go.
This feeling's roots go too deep, they're too old.
The only thing I've got is hope,
though it's locked far better than Pandora's box.
Is there at all, a key to this lock?

One Day

One day... it will all make sense
One day... all the pieces of our lives will come together
One day... we will find a purpose
One day... we will feel complete
One day...
--Is not this day.

The Courtship and Ugly End of A Lovely Lady and an Ambiguous Figure

If I only knew how you stared at me
Perhaps I would have taken better notice.
And yet the time I spent while searching,
For you, I found nothing, more or less.

Since when have you taken such bitter liking,
A month, not two ago?
Or has it been longer, beyond my deciphering,
But only I didn't notice it so.
For I thought of you those long, cold nights,
Alone and pondering of desperate plights.
In my bed, curled up, snuggling, tucked tight.
Dreaming and thinking of unending nights.

But hark! A voice? A rustle? A beam?
Not of light, but of shadow, a lonely figure.
You courted and waited and I took no notice,
Of your existence or intentions or noxious vigour.
So I slept and I dreamt and I woke and I left,
And you watched with intent each continuing breath.

Then turned all at once with an ugly malice,
And took for yourself my spirit's palace.
Did you truly love me, when hating me now,
And muttering over me, these blackened vows?

But wait, these flowers, so beautiful they are,
Carried to me from places afar.
Deepest regrets, these blooms are pristine, truly!
Oh bury me in these fragrant beauties!
And leave me sleep among them for all eternity!

personal life....

hmm...so I've never really typed up anything personal and put it on here. So I'm going to try and be as personal as I can without really saying anything at all. Not that that is oxymoron-ic or anything. I haven't posted anything in a long time--maybe because of musical. Most likely. Sounds like a legit excuse. I don't know...I haven't actually read any one's blog until two seconds ago, and well, obviously they're supposed to--for the most part--be kind of personal. I mean, it is your own space to say whatever you want. But of course, me being the type of person I am, cannot find the guts--nor do i want to--in order to write down what i deem as necessary (or rather clingy) events in my head into a palpable form.
Yes, yes I could sit down here and type how musical was possibly the best experience I have had this year, because this year was oh so warm and fuzzy (sarcasm in case your beautiful brain could not catch on) and how I am ecstatic that track season has started, though the weather has near froze my good feelings toward most anything recently. I suppose it doesn't take a lot to make me cold and cut off. I used to be happy go lucky, but anymore...I don't know. I'm very different I can say that much, and this is where i stop talking personal.
I guess for some reason when I tell people more about me, it makes me feel weak. I guess the only reason I am saying this is because i have only four "followers" and i doubt anyone really takes the time to read what I have to say. If i really don't want someone to know something about me, than i better wise up and write it down somewhere not readily available to the public.
Honestly, it just feels good to write anything. I haven't had the time in a while... and if i had to guess what heaven feels like, it might be close to the feeling I have when writing this simple yet fulfilling post right now. I was about to start another poem but I can still hear the oh so comforting voice of Jim Cramer from my dad's television downstairs. Oh how I love listening to that show. At least twice a day. Lovely. Perfectly Lovely.
I'm a bit in this odd daze right now. Like the very screen I am staring at right now has this eerily comforting hypnotic effect. I think but i don't think. I act but I don't act. What am i doing? Hmm...
Well I'm going to go ahead and give that poem a shot. I tried not to put any endearing or deep poems up, resorting instead to my silly, or more accurately stupid poems. But hey, what can I say. After all I don't know what I am doing, right?
FYI- I am too lazy to reread this, so if anyone actually does read this, enjoy the errors.